My love

A few years back, he got me a necklace which I lost few months later.

This Christmas, he gave me the necklace i lost, with a few additional stones.

Sometimes I really wonder what I have done to deserve this guy....

Too much

There's been so much recently, and things seem to be heading for the worse, I'm thinking it's just a matter of time all hell break loose.

Just a few updates in life.

Moving in abt 2 weeks' time and I don't see how that's gonna happen. The house is pretty much in a live in condition and very little packing has happened. I might just decide to leave everything behind on the day itself haha... But that said, really looking to moving into the new place where it's our own, in an area we both love, and is a lot more convenient, at least for me. Not to forget, security's better too! Cost of living is expected to go though, like laundry cleaning for his shirts will cost 50% more! What was that u said?!

Crushee had moved officially into my team, which makes him one of my superiors, theoretically speaking. But in practice, we still don't have much to do with each other. He did come over one day out of the blue, just to ask if I used to work in that company, and say some very rough (and historical) stuffs abt it, that I had to correct him. No idea how he got to learn that, but I will save that as a topic starter the next time I feel like chatting him up :) oh and my colleague said she spotted him looking at me very obviously haha... Ok now we see some thrills.

Work, is terrible terrible terrible. I'm juggling 5-6 projects at a time, working my ass off and during weekends too. But it never seem to be enough, and that makes me wonder why! I've never been a good student but through all my work experience, I've been a pretty good worker and never felt I was slow! Only here do I feel like what I'm doing isn't enough to clear the backlog that has been turning up!

And this affects my personal life, which can be summed up as zero.

There was a stalker kinda guy who followed me into the lift (he ran in after me) and didn't press the life button. When I was him which floor, he said the same (2nd floor only!!!). I let him go out first and when I reach my door, he was just standing outside the balcony outside using his phone.... I freaked out, dashed into the house and Koji offered to patrol ard the area, though he didn't find anything strange...

On the bright side, winter is coming so it means 

- I can put on winter wear!!

- my hair is a nicer b*tch in this weather

- Xmas is coming!

- holiday is coming!

- nice Starbucks drinks for the holiday season!!

- chance of seeing snow again!

But all these are only enjoyable if I don't die from work.

L-O-V-E

Because he was happy with it, and that made everything worth it.

Breathe. Properly.

Was at the main office this week (and will be, next week) to work on a job with the Osaka people. I'm sure they are harmless but several things really got on my nerves.

1) The guy couldn't come up with a schedule for needing me to work there when my manager asked, and said it's flexible. When we told him that I have a few meetings with clients lined up for these 2 weeks, he made a fuss and said I should have told him earlier so that he could plan. Till date, no plans in sight.

2) I was supposed to be there to perform some translation and risk analytics. Turned out translation < 5% and analytics < 1% of my work. Spent 95% of the time copying and pasting, which

  a) could have been done in secs using DB tools, faster, more accurately. I bet they just don't know how! Will suggest tmr!

  b) can be done by junior staff who are much cheaper and do not have main job assignments

3) I arrived 10mins late today and this senior staff called me and said "遅刻です。" He didn't say a thing when I stayed in during lunch and worked later in the night. I must have stayed too long in my team to take kindness for granted.

ANYWAY, I'm very tempted to run away during lunch time everyday coz I can't imagine having lunch with these people in sight. The saddest thing is I have ran out of excuses today and tmr seems like the day I have to entertain them. =(

The main point/motivation of this post is to celebrate the fact that I bumped into crushee! The place I'm working at currently is where his team is located, and he works at where my team is! Technically we don't get to meet and I thought we'll, that's it for the 2 weeks ahead!

But no, after an excruciating day of battling with the excel sheets (probably written on my face), I was at the loo to make myself look more proper (*i can look pretty goofy while engrossed in work). I walked out to the lift lobby, and I saw HIM! And he saw ME! I did away with a nod,「お疲れ様です」 and looked down at the floor since 1) I was tired 2) I didn't know how to react 3) I don't know what to talk to him abt 4) I'm not sure if he knows me (ok, that's abut exaggerating but let's leave it as a mere possibility 5) possibility of him disliking me 6) all of the above, but he being the subject instead.

And so I just stood behind him and waited for the lift, and continued looking everywhere else but him. He turned over but didn't say a thing. Luckily the lift came, and we entered it with the rest of them. He then turned and asked which engagement I'm working for, with who etc... And I was like, oh and u on your way back to Marunouchi (my office)?

It's probably the first time I've looked at him so closed up and I was thinking to myself "oh man, he's so skinny! And look at his white hair!!". Then again, he might be thinking stuffs like "omg she looks like such a mess, messy dry hair, pimply crumpled face but oily at the same time!".

The ride wasn't long, so we reached the first floor and I thought we would have to continue talking till we part ways. But he bumped into his colleagues at the ground floor, who said tried to chat up with him. I fled towards the escalator and when I was looking back (in case he could see me taking flight), he was in the one-step-held-back-but-one-step-wanting-to-go-ahead posture.

And so I walked quickly in my 7cm heels, even down the escalator, not wanting to look back in case I see him.

Now, I must learn to breathe properly.

And now, life can be filled with small harmless imaginary fun this way...

Totally unrelated but I just thought its funny to see my nephew being poked fun at by my sis, his own mom.

Realization

Got involved in a job whereby I witnessed someone of high authority not doing the right things because he would like to please his client. As much as I am frustrated w work and how things are heading at my end, I'm so glad that the partner in my team made the right decision. (Though I wish he can do more by whistle blowing...)

This is when I realize the heavy responsibilities our jobs bear.

It's also today that I realize we are all trying to do what we believe us right. But unfortunately, there are people who work by trying to convince themselves and others that they are doing the right things. I wish I could slam those facts right in their faces when it's finally official that whatever they are trying to smoke their way through doesn't work haha...

Expiry

I gained another 3 years in this land, another 3 years for me to find out if I actually prefer/do not mind staying put.

Was talking to this junior today about problems with clients, and she (a Japanese) asked if its only here that you get customers this fussy. Well people are troublesome in their different ways so u just get different types of troubles overseas. Just as someone always told me, it's always about cleaning up shit everywhere. The only difference is how much shit and how much compensation you get paid. So wise.

Ive been anything but productive at work these days. I can blame it on the weather, or distractions from crushees... The only real cause can only be lack of motivation man... 

*やる気ボタンお探し*

Race

This feels like a race where you will get outrun anyway...

One down

Yes, yes... I know i have been one big fat procrastinator at everything these days. Everything but work! Now how sad is that?

Just got the mail that I passed the exam with pretty good scores! Many reasons to yippeeeee over that coz
1) i save over usd600 for not having to take it again = can reward myself!
2) i hit my target score, which was listed as one of my action items for the year.. which means making the boss happier
3) i dont have to sit through the 4 hours exam again!!!


Leaving for Sweden tomorrow morning, for a week! might pop by Spain just for 2 days, depending on how things go... I'm actually not such a big fan of visiting the country in summer... im actually most looking forward to sleeping big time on the flight (U wont believe how sleep deprived i am!), the cool swedish weather and all the nice little zakka shops and cafes! everything but work! but before i take off, there's still the last bits to finish off....


One down on my procrastination list too! =) surprise surprise

It's days like these that make you feel like skipping in the streets!

Marathon jobs

The last time it happened, i told myself that's gonna be the last time I'll ever break records for trying to work on the company's biggest testing.

I should have made it clear i dont even want to go anywhere near the top 5... here i am again, trying to stay awake and alive...

Men, men

After a long day, I was walking back with my male colleague for a longer day at the office. Along the way, we passed by ABC cooking school, which is basically, a cooking school. A few groups of ladies were preparing food, and a few others gathered around the tables to try out their creations.

And this guy commented, face beaming as he did it, 

"I don't know why but I feel an overwhelming sense of happiness when I look at these groups of women cooking..." *fades off into wonderland*

o_O and all I wanted to ask was if he lives in a cave.... But then again, he might not be alone but just the only one who owns up to it.

Mid week

Coming to Wednesday, and I've completed 3/5 of my tasks for this week. Way to go!!

After the peak at work has passed and I can finally take a breather, we are planning a trip out to the countryside! Am so looking forward to it where I can let my mind go blank for awhile..,

前向き

Yay! It's off day for me tmr, though it's actually for preparing for the exam on Sat... Already half given up and discussing with colleagues if we should sign up next for the sept or dec exams haha...

Feeling pretty bad that I haven brought baby bro out ever since he came, and haven't spent much nights having dinner together except for the first few days... Well, hopefully the next week will mean better time at work :)

Work was pretty exhausting last 2 weeks, with some emotional peaks taking place in the project... I'm pretty happy though, through that project, I got to know this other girl better and get along w her pretty well both work and non-work related!

After the exam, there's planning for hol (nothing's decided!!) and for the new house! Exciting stuffs finally woots!

Challenges

Things happened at work that put all my revision plans off track. Was a terribly horrendous week the last one, and the strain going on put me sick in the body and mind. It extended through this week and Monday started off by landing right flat in the face. But things are picking up from here and after all that horrible stuffs, I see my rewards for hanging on near the corner.

Had a drink with this client I knew from the previous year's work. Was good to see him ard again this year and have someone to talk to while slogging in the field. His comments abt how I've grown in the year was encouraging, but what he said abt me being more suitable for something lively and on the go got me thinking (again)....

And oh yeah the big boo boo the entire team put up in front of them wasn't exactly something to be proud of...

Baby bro came on Sat, with lotsa goodies. And he treats this place like his own, sleeps in till 2pm, go out walk ard and comes back to bake things. Haha funny kid, was asking him y he came to Japan to do all these things he always did back home instead of traveling ard! No good answers, but yeah, smart people are always weird so we do not really have to kill a few more brain cells wondering. Anyway it's good news for me since I will get to enjoy good dinners on weekdays, if I go back early enough :P

Ally

Every time I come home and turns on the tv for some healing, i feel like ally is saying to me "every time u go out, break yourself into thousands of pieces, and come to me to find yourself... It always happen."

Dear Auntie Agony

I believe I'm facin some bullying at work.

Situation 1
There's a job whereby 3 of us are supposed to work on. I finished mine first and handed it up to the leader, and he said he and the other guy weren't able to finish up theirs coz they were busy with something else. I offered to help IF they can't afford the time. He called me up to take up the offer and I agreed, though it means stretching my hours even longer.

Next moment I know it, he's going back pretty much on the dot.


Situation 2
Have been working v closely with this manager who is pretty good at data Analytics. By that, I mean technically. Business process wise, she isn't good at understanding at all nor can remember a thing.

So during the process of our work, I become the boss dishing out technical work to her.

Oh and I must have mentioned about this manager who inserts phantom meetings into her schedule, just so that she can come to work late. She leaves for home on the dot as well! So hey, working with her is good if u don't need her around so I just work my way around and only tries to contact her if I really need sth. Even then, she's uncontactable half the time anyway.

So there was this meeting today with the audit team guys, who requested her to work on some stuffs. While they were explaining, she said to me (as she always do), "please listen and explain to me what they want later ok? I can't hear properly what they are saying.". Yeah stop smoking me, you either don't get their Japanese, or u simple don't understand the business background in the first place.

I put up with that, ended up drawing a diagram to let her know what she has to do, even downloaded the files and sent the links so that the baby sitter's job is done. Even negotiated with the audit team ppl for her deliverables, which I wrote down on paper and when I tried passing it to her, she asked me to mail it via email coz she can't read. Fine, will do so. Explained all that she needs to do and she said she understood them fully.

And after doing so much, you would think there's nothing else to be done right? Here goes the conversation before she left the office (before me!)

M: hey, I will call you tmr (sat) ok?
Me: *looks at her weirdly* please don't
M: why not?
Me: coz I want to at least spend my weekend without thinking about work
M: I will call you on your (personal) Line if I can't get u on the company phone ok?
Me: no, I wanna stay away from work this weekend!
M: だって、私が頑張ってるよ！

Oh great! So what happened to those times when I had to slog nights and weekends and my GW hol away just coz u want ur deliverables and when I send them to you, there's no reply till the next working day (few days later)? What happened to those times when u decided not to turn up for work or go back early by giving some lame reasons while I had to fend off those requests myself. I've been called the heroine these days (by others in a lovingly mocking manner) not by choice.

Now I have spoon fed u up to your lips, and u can't even let me have my weekend in peace?

Wake up your ideas!

And I refused to work today. And yesterday, and the day before.

There's this manager who definitely calls in once a week to say she's working fr home or going to the doc coz she is sick/son is sick/it's snowing/whatever. It's become so atrocious that even the other managers are gossiping abt her. Didnt help that I was in Malaysia w her and she was the one causing us to be late coz of her packing/walking slowly/shopping... Wonder why the partners haven made a noise abt it.

That's fine for me, until she walked in at past 2pm today and kept hogging up my time. Hello I need to work even if you don't have to..... I have deliverables and I guess all u do us to wait for us to deliver so that u can leverage on it. Worse still, leeching on me to type out Japanese mails isn't gonna help u.

Lately

I know I've been a bum... No updates at all, which is terrible. I used to at least vent some frustration by writing from time to time. But these days, I'm just too drained coming back from work to even wanna switching my own PC... Time on the train, of course, is to catch a cat nap if I'm lucky enough to get a seat..

So spring is finally here! The last winter was kinda cold, like colder than the one before... I remb someone telling me in autumn that it is going to be a warm winter, according to weather forecast. If even the Japanese weather forecast can fail you, nothing else won't :p

Talking about disappointment, train services started to piss me off once every few days when winter started. Maybe it's the weather that's making people depressed and fall into train tracks, either on purpose or accidentally, way too often. I've had a record week of encountering 4 train track accidents on the same line, and once I had to go on a big detour just to get to a client place when someone/something fell into the line that used to send me there directly.

And so, I felt the motivation to look around for a new place... I was toying at the idea initially, since I'm kinda paranoid to commitments and stuffs... But when my Dad came in and gave us a few pushes, we started looking online, subscribing to house hunting magazines, visiting showrooms and everything else related. It's funny how we eventually ended up with the place we saw initially, the one my Dad pointed out and I was telling him to stop kidding coz I don't wanna slave my life off over a house. We were on the fence at one point of time and the developer brought out a unit for us, with all the right conditions (at a price, of course), we were sold and both of us couldn't stop thinking abt it. The Singaporean in me obviously won't settle without haggling, and we got a slight amount off the price so by theory, this money can go to getting better furniture/electronics :) I'm kinda worried abt all that's gonna happen till the handover day coz we don't have much time left...

Work has been nothing but discouraging these days... I feel like someone who is being chased and whacked constantly by a mad guy, and tripping and falling while running away from him, spinning in a negative cycle. To speak the truth, I seriously think I'm not exaggerating abt the part abt the mad guy!

But these days, I get a small dose of motivation thinking abt it when I am out of this proj that supposedly never ends...and working on smaller projs which exposes me to more people and processes makes me feel better abt my job. Just slightly.

Do i know u?

There are days when I pass by people whom I know, and didnt realize (thus not saying hi) their existence.

There are also days when people pass by me and gave me looks like I am supposed to know them. I did look and 'think' I do not know them.

Should have my eyes on people as I walk :(

Had the assessment for the major job last week. Gave my manager a good lecture on how discouraging he has been and how he can do better. Ended by asking to leave the job, and I have never felt better.

It might not reflect well on me, especially if he plans to not let the rest know the reasons. But at least I know now that I can move ahead :))

Yay!

And we are all so addicted to feeling melancholic

when u do not have dreams to drive u, u start getting driven by all sorts of funny stuffs.

Looks

Someone said I haven blogged lately, there u see, my last post about a week ago. But ur right, it's pathetic when I'm writing about work work work.

So let me talk about my philandering mind. I do not usually go beyond letting my mind wander, coz it leaves no proof, and btw a mental derail and a physical one, there is one huge giant step in between and I think (I hope) I don't cross.

We knew there was a history of a particular san who came in in a vest one day and took my breath away. I basically couldn't stop drooling at him in the vest. Or maybe I meant the vest. He's not even good looking but things like this (and his brown shoes) get me carried away.

And today when I flung open the office door, Mr Not-So-Stranger was standing right in front of me, so close i was pretty sure it would hit his face. Anyway we were running out of seats so I just walked away to grab one without sayin sorry, so not Japanese.

Was busy setting up to start working and when I looked up, there he was, his collar up and tie undone around his neck and was standing around in his stylo mylo ah beng ways. There I was again, couldn't stop ogling at him. Didnt help that he too turns up in those brown leather shoes I love.

My point is, as much as I don't like it, I'm very much a surface level person in some areas. Or simply put, I'm like a male out in the jungle looking for preys. Just give me suit, vest, tie, brown leather shoes and I ll go weak in my knees. Simple as that, u don't even have to be good looking, just carry yourself well.

Just to be fair, I do tell the Geek to get those shoes etc but apparently it's not in his liking to get what i like. Anyways he can't blame me if I'm ever caught eyeing another guy... I mean, shoes...

Not much idea where I'm driving but there u go, non work related talk ;) just that all these took place in an office.....

2013

Life is so happening that I'm partying here at home with a bunch of documents and evidences, and of course, you, my blog. Can't get any better.

Someone fell into the train track today, which caught me offguard when I was travelling from office to a client site, and he/she/it had to do it in the ONLY train track that can get me to the office straight. In the end, had to make a big detour, walk a hundred more steps and burn a few calories.

Rock on!

Answer

Was talking to the partner about my action plans and goals, about this particular target that he was encouraging me to set higher targets for (not quantity but the type of job). And there I was, hesitating to take it up, because I felt that I aren't ready and don't have the confidence to do it. Our wise guy then asked, "when do u think you will be ready?".

And just out of my sub consciousness, I replied "well if I don't do it, I will never be ready..."... We both got our answers.

Sometimes the answer is in my head, I just have no idea how to get there...

発見

Spotted Mt Fuji on the train today, near Akabane station, to be precise. The sky was clear and blue, the air cold, and Mt Fuji stood there looking so majestic, snow capped like it was wearing a crown.

It must mean this will be a great TGIF! March on!

我们要加油

不能放弃喔！